Balance

Every day since I started my new full-time job a year ago, I have been reminded of how much I have to learn about life work balance.  There's something in me that holds fiercely onto the hope that I will get it right and things will run smoothly (or at least more effortlessly) from that point on.  

So far, I've accepted that preparation the night before is absolutely necessary -- no exceptions unless it's a dire emergency.  We don't get to do every wanton thing we want to just because we want to escape.  

I've realized that I have to choose what's important and let the rest fall by the way side.  Those things that fall to the cutting room floor may be important -- but to 1 lesser degree than the one I chose.  I walk out of the cutting room remorsefully knowing the remnants that remain will be  altered -- if never to be seen again.

I've felt the forgiveness and openness of friends and family who I've lost track with in the blur of this past year and recognize that despite whatever overwhelms me, I still have an obligation to care for them, to connect, to be available.

My eyes stay trained on my girls and I watch their every move, memorizing their smallness knowing soon it will be gone.  And I ponder how we are preparing for their adulthood.

I remember the passion my love and I began our relationship with and try to remember that feeling, knowing it is now seasoned with time, different, better.  But we're wary, as all couples should be, of taking it for granted, of walking past my love as if he's just another piece of the puzzle of my life instead of part of me.

I feel the hole in my chest grow as I spend less time with my God reflecting on how awesome and magnificent he is - and how amazing.  Only when I see his immensity do I see how small everything else is and keep things in perspective.  

I know that I need to make time for myself regularly.  No exceptions here either.  Losing myself in 'mundania' would only be my fault alone.

Realistically, I know the work life balance will never be perfect.  But I can't keep myself from trying.  It will be one of my constant prayers.

I hope that one day I can balance the desire for perfection with reality.  Not expecting less of myself but able to enjoy the process of doing my best instead of being eternally disappointed with the elusiveness of perfection itself.  And more importantly - identifying what is my true BEST.

Check out the article below about another writer identifying her 'best':

http://hernashville.com/her/my-best