Seeing Beyond Suffering

Getting dressed this morning was easy enough.  I just had to choose something dark or muted to wear, colors I learned a long time ago I'm supposed to choose to wear to a funeral.  

Getting the girls ready was easy too.  They were motivated by the fact that they would be going to their friends' house for a couple of hours.  They knew I was going to a funeral and they understood what that meant - they learned at an even earlier age than I did.  But they didn't understand how it could be the funeral of a baby.  I think in their little minds only adults die.

I've experienced some pain and suffering in my life, enough to begin to shy away from it when it is touching someone else.  I've found that I become fairly useless when I see the suffering of another because, as an empathetic person, I'm overwhelmed by what I imagine or know they must be feeling and sadly become immobilized.  

This morning, as I prepared myself to attend baby Malachi's funeral, I spoke to God about this -- about being useless in the presence of other's pain and suffering.  How can I change that, I asked.  How do you do it?  How do you look at all these people, know what they are going through and deal with all that suffering?  

The answer wasn't audible to anyone but me.  It was that still small voice.  It was quiet and sure.  He told me that it was what I chose to see.  He told me that when I looked at a person who was suffering, all I saw was the suffering.  And the suffering was what immobilized me,  its mass, its strength.  He told me to look beyond the suffering, and see the person. See the person and you see what I see, a creation I love.  

I could easily be accused of being a 'bleeding heart'.  A kind friend felt that I have a 'tender heart'.  But all that tenderheartedness did no good when it wasn't being useful.  I think this morning's time with my Lord has given me a glimpse of what it might mean, like David, to have 'a heart like His' and a better understanding of how to focus on what matters most.